I don’t own these words. They happened to catch my eyes when my heart was yearning for them. Since then, they’ve made perfect sense to my chaotic, non-existent, invisible Love-life.
I have been called too choosy and too picky. But those who know me, know how I have never owned a check-list of must-haves. I have never had an imaginary illusion of a ‘perfect guy’- no white horses, no fairy-tale endings and no pre-requisite demands of tall, fair and popular- or a BMW for that matter.
I won’t deny I have had my moments of self-doubt and desperate wishful prayers to land a date. I have seen days where my words ached to be heard and my arms yearned for a warm hug. I have also questioned myself several times if I shouldn’t have let go of that someone just to have anyone by my side.
But Thank God, I didn’t settle.
Time got me introduced to myself. I felt the passion in my ink as it scribbled new thoughts everyday. I felt the depth in my voice when I spoke of my dreams to myself. I got to know how complete it feels when you hug yourself.
Instead of prodding someone of their likes and dislikes, I asked myself, ”What do you like? What do you hate? What are your dreams?” It made me think- about myself.
All our lives we spend knowing others without ever getting to know ourselves.
Today, I know what I want-like I have never known before.
And even though I am not my wisest self yet, I am more than ready to take charge of my actions.
The thing is, I am not after an illusionary affair which may satiate my body but not my soul. I am a real person looking for something ethereal. And while I know nothing lasts forever, I know real things do.
The thing is, I am not convinced by convenient, easy Love. I am not convinced when you call an accessible affair ‘Love’ just to make yourself feel better.
The thing is, I know I can’t do a shallow date. I have known my needs a lot better.
The thing is, I know my emotions run deep and my energy is pretty intense. I am all about carving out a messy, inconvenient, passionate but a real love story.
I might overwhelm you. In fact, I might just scare you off.
But the thing is- I won’t settle. I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve.
The thing is, I finally know I am quite a catch.
I won’t fall for a frail, flickering light calling itself Love- as tempting as it maybe, for I know it’s not. My super-intuitive radars can smell the players and the fallacious promisers from far away. But here’s the catch, they can see the latent diamond in a rock too- even when the rock is too stubborn to see itself as a diamond.
But I am not waiting.
I’ll dance to my own rhythm till someone comes along to fall for the depth of my mind- where chaos and magic both resides in symphony.
No, It’s not like I can’t find anyone. It’s just that I don’t want just anyone. I know what I want.
So till you don’t come to join in my mad dance, I’ll dance it all myself. Trust me when I say it’s been really good. Singing to myself, adoring the cuteness in my gigantic sweaters, throwing compliments my way and being gorgeously beautiful inside out- I am doing good dating myself.
So, Hello Future Date, do whatever you wanna do-date whoever..date no-one.. find yourself.. lose your mind..I am fine here.
Because I am too exhausted of providing validations now.
I’ll just date myself.