Whatever, I’ll Just Date Myself

I don’t own these words. They happened to catch my eyes when my heart was yearning for them. Since then, they’ve made perfect sense to my chaotic, non-existent, invisible Love-life.

I have been called too choosy and too picky. But those who know me, know how I have never owned a check-list of must-haves. I have never had an imaginary illusion of a ‘perfect guy’- no white horses, no fairy-tale endings and no pre-requisite demands of tall, fair and popular- or a BMW for that matter.

I won’t deny I have had my moments of self-doubt and desperate wishful prayers to land a date. I have seen days where my words ached to be heard and my arms yearned for a warm hug. I have also questioned myself several times if I shouldn’t have let go of that someone just to have anyone by my side.

But Thank God, I didn’t settle. 

Time got me introduced to myself. I felt the passion in my ink as it scribbled new thoughts everyday. I felt the depth in my voice when I spoke of my dreams to myself. I got to know how complete it feels when you hug yourself.

Instead of prodding someone of their likes and dislikes, I asked myself, ”What do you like? What do you hate? What are your dreams?” It made me think- about myself.

All our lives we spend knowing others without ever getting to know ourselves.

Today, I know what I want-like I have never known before.

And even though I am not my wisest self yet, I am more than ready to take charge of my actions.

The thing is, I am not after an illusionary affair which may satiate my body but not my soul. I am a real person looking for something ethereal. And while I know nothing lasts forever, I know real things do.

The thing is, I am not convinced by convenient, easy Love. I am not convinced when you call an accessible affair ‘Love’ just to make yourself feel better.

The thing is, I know I can’t do a shallow date. I have known my needs a lot better.

The thing is, I know my emotions run deep and my energy is  pretty intense. I am all about carving out a messy, inconvenient, passionate but a real love story.

I might overwhelm you. In fact, I might just scare you off.

But the thing is- I won’t settle.  I won’t settle for anything less than I deserve.

The thing is, I finally know I am quite a catch.

I won’t fall for a frail, flickering light calling itself Love- as tempting as it maybe, for I know it’s not. My super-intuitive radars can smell the players and the fallacious promisers from far away. But here’s the catch, they can see the latent diamond in a rock too- even when the rock is too stubborn to see itself as a diamond.

But I am not waiting. 

I’ll dance to my own rhythm till someone comes along to fall for the depth of my mind- where chaos and magic both resides in symphony. 

No, It’s not like I can’t find anyone. It’s just that I don’t want just anyone. I know what I want.

So till you don’t come to join in my mad dance, I’ll dance it all myself. Trust me when I say it’s been really good. Singing to myself, adoring the cuteness in my gigantic sweaters, throwing compliments my way and being gorgeously beautiful inside out- I am doing good dating myself.

So, Hello Future Date, do whatever you wanna do-date whoever..date no-one.. find yourself.. lose your mind..I am fine here.

Because I am too exhausted of providing validations now.

Whatever.

I’ll just date myself. 

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Bisman says:

    Amazing Shivani! ❤

    Like

  2. Can totally relate to this post! Nice 🙂

    Like

    1. That’s great! Thanks 🙂

      Like

  3. This is 100% how I feel too! I don’t want to selfishly expect to find parts of myself in other people, nor others to expect happiness in me. When it happens it will just happen and I won’t try, I’ll just be. 😊

    Like

    1. Exactly! And nothing is more beautiful (and attractive!) than being yourself!

      Liked by 1 person

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